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And just like that…

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…the house is empty as we bring the last long weekend of Summer 2024 to an end.

There is joy in the summer months when people are looking forward to some time off from work and kids are out of school. It’s been 2 and a half years since we relocated to Nova Scotia. My daughter always says, ‘it’s wonderful living where people want to vacation’ and that sentiment does not get old. When asked what my plans are for the summer, my response now is, ‘I’m waiting for company to come’. I never get tired of entertaining guests and taking them to the hot spots here on the shores of the north Atlantic Ocean.

This year was a little different though. The desire was strong but the logistics conspired against too much travel. The cost of living impacted some of those I expected, hoped and longed to see. We did have some company come in spring this year rather than in the summer. Flights were a little cheaper in the spring affording more flexibility with the other travel-related expenses. But other financial obligations and considerations made traveling quite tough for most.

The one guest I did get to enjoy three weeks with was my granddaughter. Mary embraces country living and particularly loves getting out of the city. Despite having a guest room now, Mary likes to stay in a private little nook commonly found in these well built, older farm houses. When I see her taking her friends on a virtual tour, I cringe a little inside that her friends may find her space a little too Harry Potter’ish…you know, that space under the stairs!? And to be clear, it’s not some forgotten space under the staircase but rather a ‘loft’ of sorts, or ‘ledge’ as Mary calls it (cringe again!). But she finds it cozy and unique and it’s private so we brightened it up with light paint, put a daybed in it with an antique table and she’s happy so I’m good with that.

Mary also makes the ideal house guest since she doesn’t like to be too busy; she really is here to rest, relax and decompress. She is agreeable to do ‘one thing’ per day – one visit, one drive, one beach walk, one sea glass hunt – tucked in between her time with our barn cat, walking our big, goofy dog (who I swear would ditch me in a heartbeat to claim Mary as her owner), or just watching TV with me in the evenings. This year we continued watching our way through old episodes of The Mentalist!

We did have the great pleasure of participating in the Congrès Mondial Acadien 2024 and the Deveau Family Reunion. It was a wonderful opportunity to gather with people of the same lineage and hear some stories about the history of the family here in Nova Scotia.

But just like that, it’s over. Time to pack up and head back to routine and school. We knew it was coming of course. There is a saying here amongst the old time timers, that they can mark August 15th on the calendar to mark the change of season. And truly it’s true and almost that dramatic. This year it was closer to the 20th that the air turned fresher over night, the night temps dropped lower and the night skies are so clear we can see the stars across the entire sky and the Milky Way streaking across, just by stepping outside the back door. That’s the signal to make the most of the daytime sunshine and start cleaning up the gardens.

Mary and I took one last walk on the beach for this year the night before she left and talked about things that made us both smile. We talked about school too – about goals and strategies. Our visit was winding down. I got a little teary but still had a smile because the summer was a gift and Mary is my blessing.

Enjoy…m

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house…

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…the sights are delightful and feelings of joy all about.

I love these days of the Christmas season. The shopping is done, gifts wrapped and either sent to homes away or nestled under the tree. The menus have been planned and the groceries bought, including special items a little on the luxurious side, just things we don’t indulge in except for special occasions. The makings of a punch I always make for breakfast Christmas morning, the fancy cheeses and crackers, and the special relishes of pickles, olives, cocktail onions and vegetable plates. All prepared and waiting in the fridge to be served.

The lights have been in the windows for a couple of weeks now and the tree as well, all bringing a quiet coziness to the rooms. I have always loved walking the neighbourhoods back in Ontario and seeing how people like to decorate their windows and outdoors. A recent article in the Halifax Chronicle started with a headline, ‘Expert advise for holiday decorating’ and a byline, ‘Expert advise for holiday decorating’. A three-quarter page article, above-the-line! It’s not to say the article didn’t have merit or that it wasn’t appreciated, especially by new home owners or people finding themselves out on their own for perhaps the first time. I read the article with mild interest and thought back to those walks and wonder if anyone really every changes their Christmas decorating style after a few years.

I have my decorations in bins, stacked in the basement and all labelled for ease of use. Some of the bins can be accessed early such as the one marked ‘Entrance’ or ‘Kitchen’ or even ‘Bathroom’. (Yes, I have some decorations in the bathroom!) So they start to make their way upstairs mid-November and the contents get swapped out for what is currently on shelves. I also have collectable village pieces that replace my sewing machine, my Skylight frame and a few other sentimental items I love to have around. The same decorations come out and get placed in just about the exact same position as they did last year. 

Here where I live in Nova Scotia today, we’re rural so there is no ‘walking the neighbourhood’. Instead we drive and I think it might be even more delightful as we drive in the pitch dark of night with only our headlights providing light until we come upon a house dotting the landscape. As with many houses in the country, windows are not necessarily covered with curtains. Since no one is walking the old road and the speed limit is 80kms/hr passersby are in vehicles and can only get a glimpse as opposed to looking in. To come upon these treasures at this time of year is a real treat as they are decorated on a spectrum from multitudes of wildly colourful lights and decorations to simple, subtle, tiny white lights and whole variety in between.

By midday on Christmas Eve, at the time I am sitting at my laptop, I am able to sit back and reflect on the season. It’s been a good year. The house is tidy, the dogs are feeling the energy and quietly resting. We prepare for church to celebrate and worship. We look forward to the phone calls we’ll have in the morning as we greet family and friends we won’t get to see in person. My heart is bursting with love and the joy of this season!

I wish all who read this post a joyous, safe, and healthy Christmas.

Enjoy….

A Time of Healing

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I am a huge lover of the holiday season. Plain and simply, I love Christmas. It’s one of my favourite
times of the year. I come by it naturally, inherited from my mother and I have passed the same joy of
the season to my children and grandchildren. I remember the days of my childhood when my mother
would be up at 5:30am sitting in our living room at a little card table writing out Christmas cards. The
youngest of 14 children raised in a French-Canadian family in Montreal, she had a lot of cards to write to
greet family, to say nothing of the cards for friends and neighbours and work acquaintances. My
mother’s joy of the season was infectious, and I certainly inherited that. She loved to decorate the tree and would spend so much time arranging and re-arranging the lights, the ornaments and the little strips of foil called icicles which had to be strategically placed, just two on each bow. 

For me, I love the coziness of the soft lights and candles that dot my home as the days grow short. I love
the music. Yes, even in November, I love the music – the songs, the hymns, instrumentals, choirs and
popular singers. I love it all. My youngest marks our calendars for November 17 th as the day to start our
Christmas decorating and there is a strategic approach to that – it is respectfully past Remembrance Day
and gets our decorating done before another, not so welcome anniversary hits our consciousness.

December 14th is the anniversary of the death of my husband. Dave was a gentle soul, relaxed, laidback, and so caring of his family. His heart was in his home, those in Ontario and those in Nova Scotia. Dave made friends easily, enjoyed his social circle and loved his family. It’s been so many years since his passing and yet, without a conscious prompting such as the date on the calendar, our subconscious is aware. A somberness comes over me and my children a few days ahead of the 14th . Every year, we feel the melancholy, the sadness, the crankiness for no apparent reason. Except that we are approaching the
14th . Come that day we acknowledge it to each other, and in our way internally, and I send my heartfelt
thanks to the man who made my life a joy, even if only for a tragically short time, and who gave me the
gift of the children and grandchildren I have today.

This year, 2023, however was different. November 17 th, we pulled out the Christmas decorations. The
lights, wreaths, and tree first (we’ve moved to artificial again last year…we’ll see for how long) and the
Christmas villages next. The house feels good, looks good and smells good thanks to the a wood fire and
one, well-placed scented candle.

There has been a calm this year. December 14 th rolled around more gently for our hearts. There was a
tenderness rather than a sadness, a sereneness, a restfulness, and a freedom from the pain of loss.
Instead there were gentle smiles at memories and reminiscences. We all passed the day with love and
gratitude. December 14 th came and went wrapped in thankfulness.

2023 has been a good one. Our global village is hurting but 2023 has brought comfort, peace and
healing to me and my family. It is time for a joyful Christmas!

‘Tis the season…

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…for a Covid-19 Christmas?!

Well, this has been different, that’s for sure.  The season that usually sees us hustling and bustling to shops and malls, enjoying house parties and office parties galore, and getting together with neighbours and friends and family has been turned on it’s head. 

It seems to me, in our lives, Christmas memories whether happy or sad, are among the most powerful.  Some would call them warm, comforting, and endearing.  Others may not have such feelings attached to their memories of Christmas.  Theirs may be feelings of quite the opposite – more sadness, stress, fear and loneliness.  Regardless, it is certainly a powerful time.  It is very interesting and intriguing to me why the imagery of Christmas touches our hearts in such a profound way.

I’m a winter-lover myself.  I love bundling up outside and snuggling up inside.  I love the cold when I’m dressed for it and the snow when it’s crisp and dry.  I even love the shorter days when I can close out the world earlier and enjoy the peace and quiet of my own home.  The fact that Christmas falls during this time that I enjoy so much is definitely a bonus for me.   I bring in the Christmas tree, hang the wreaths in the windows, bake goodies, and hang the stockings.  And despite the anniversaries of some extremely devastating events close to Christmas, the warmth and joy of the season manages to break through.

Over the years I’ve come to note that, despite the urban and suburban sprawl in North America, the commercialization of Christmas falls within my mental picture and my experience.  We see advertisements with scenes of snow-covered streets and starry, night skies.  Hallmark has established itself through movies of Christmas trees, brightly coloured lights, church carol sings and pot-luck dinners, candles in windows and wreaths in every window and doorway.  And somehow, the hustle and bustle of daily living is perceived as a grind yet it somehow takes on a whole new feeling when it is on the screen.  The movies depict crowded sidewalks and streets, with people overloaded with bags and boxes, yet all still glowing and cheerful.

I have to wonder if we work hard to create a short season that is reminiscent of our fortunate pasts or one that, if we work hard enough and take enough pictures of, we can use to replace the unfortunate and unpleasant ones.  Regardless, the interesting dichotomy is we do seem to harken back to simpler eras, even while exploiting the extravagances of our current times. 

This year has been different though.  Like many people, I have been working from home since March.  I get out daily to walk the dogs and I join colleagues and stakeholders via video conference.  I do my shopping online and get groceries delivered via a shopping service.  Now, my two daughters and I live together, so I’m not alone.  My son and grandchildren live around the corner from me and that has been my ‘bubble’.  So in fact, for someone like myself who is a bit of a nester and kind of likes a higher level of seclusion than the average person perhaps, this has been quite fine for me.  But I know that is not the case for many people.

Covid-19 has changed that landscape for many people and I have to wonder how the 2020 Covid Christmas will be remembered.  Will we reminisce in years to come about the year we all stayed home?  Will we tell stories of our Zoom and Teams parties that we attended in our pajamas or at least in ‘party on top, jammies on the bottom’ attire? 

For another week, until the January 6th the feast of the Epiphany as a nod to my French Canadian family, the lights will glow in my windows and from my tree, the garlands will drape over window ledges, shelves and banisters and we’ll indulge in foods that we somehow ‘only have at Christmas’ because we thrive on tradition.

I cannot sign off this post without a note, a plea really, to remember that loneliness and despair is accentuated at Christmas time and when the world around us gets busy, those who are suffering get lost.  For some it is only the exchange of cards and gifts and a shared meal with family and friends that alleviates the aloneness.  Covid-19 has forced isolation on some who are at most risk in that state.  While some of us will see this Covid Christmas as an opportunity to keep things simple, others will definitely suffer from the new restrictions from going for coffee and, at least once a day, sharing stories and a few laughs over coffee with friends.

As we enjoy the continued glow of Christmas week and head toward New Year with all the promise it holds, please check-in on neighbours and friends, especially the elderly neighbours and friends.  For many, church, school, community centre events and even just the corner coffee shop, provide relief from situations that are far less than the Christmas pictures described above.

This is a time we can take a moment to reflect, appreciate our general abundance and give thanks for our blessings…even in Covid-19.

Enjoy…m

Is it just me…

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…or are these exhausting times?

I’ve mentioned before my kinship with social media.  I am very aware of the pros and the cons but for me, the pros outweigh the con’s, so I indulge.  My recent hiatus was an eye-opener and illuminated the changes in me while I abstained from indulging.  The changes were positive and were improvements in things like appreciation of relaxation time, increased time to sit with my own thoughts and taking advantage of the extra time to read a bit more for pleasure.  And yet, here I am, writing another post about social media.  This is telling me something!

It was Canada Day.  To be clear, not the *fault of Canada Day but rather seemed to result from Canada Day.  Or perhaps, came to a (another) head after Canada Day.  I spent the day away from my work laptop and was able to spend some quiet time with my girls. At the end of the day I sat and opened the three social media apps I use – Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.  I have listed them in the order I tend to access them and that is the first insight I discovered.  Two years ago, I would have listed them in the opposite order – Facebook, then Instagram and with Twitter as an infrequent afterthought.  Prior to my hiatus, the order was Twitter with Instagram the afterthought and Facebook a rarity.  Having learned some lessons over the social media break I recognized Facebook as my ‘family’ place, the place where people I know personally and well and have interacted with as family and coworkers post their stories and photos about family, food and goings-on.  Instagram, for me, is the place I ‘follow’ people…some friends and co-workers but also some entertainers, sports figures, and some organizations as they talk about decorating and cooking, share some photos of their personal life or life in training and news about current successes and new business. Twitter is my political place.  I still follow some entertainers, sports figures, and some organizations but Twitter is also where I follow politicians and news media.  And, of course, I know that the posts I see in my feed are by my own choice. Twitter seems to be a very angry place these days.  I understand the correlation between the content and comments and the sources.  And I understand the climate we are living in today.  Environmentally, medically and politically, each is angst-inspiring but coming together they create a powerfully toxic result.

So…back to Canada Day…it was at the end of the day that I picked up my device and started to scroll. I started with Instragram and was immediately struck by a contradiction; on the one hand there were multiple lovely “Happy Canada Day” messages accompanied by lovely photos and creative designs depicting Canadiana icons.  I was a bit surprised though that there were not as many happy greetings as I’d expected but chocked that up to the fact that I do follow a lot of people who are not Canadian and quite honestly, people in other countries, especially our neighbours to the south, have other things on their minds these days.  Having scrolled through several posts and dug into some of the comments I was disappointed to read so many negative responses to the well wishes.  The comments were full of statement of resentment that we would celebrate Canada Day when there is still so much reconciliation work to be done.  There were comments objecting to having a Canada Day at all.  I found so many people had hopped on the ‘cancel culture’ bandwagon.  The original effort was to use social media to withdraw, or ‘cancel, support for public figures, politicians and companies after something had been said or done that would be considered objectionable or offensive.  What I was seeing though was not that.  It was shaming, challenging and correcting individuals for expressing their personal sentiments – Happy Canada Day!  What I’m sure for some was intended to be a nudge to enlightenment and forward thinking felt more like superiority, humiliating, discrediting and silencing….a form of suppression, even censorship. And perhaps the most deflating for me were the comments from our official political opposition party spontaneously referring to the day as Dominion Day.  This was head-snap moment worthy of whiplash for me.  Without turning this post into something akin to a history lesson, my recollection is that, upon Confederation on July 1, 1867, we established the Dominion of Canada under our very first Prime Minister.  In 1982 we formally patriated our Constitution and moved from celebrating ‘Dominion Day’ and started celebrating ‘Canada Day’.  I was around back then, for the patriation of the Constitution that is, and it was a great day. 

This all came to light for me when I moved to Facebook and after a multitude of ‘promotion’ posts and advertisements, most that I have absolutely no interest in and certainly don’t follow or subscribe to (but that is another story for another day) I came upon the post of someone who I used to work with.  This would be one of the posts that I look forward to seeing, updates of what people are doing since we parted employment way, the changes in their families through various milestones, some happy and some sad, all shared with a genuine spirit.  In this post my friend was reposting a reminder that mental health issues can impact people all around us without our awareness and came with the challenge to reach out to our friends and not let the busyness of our days distract us from noticing when someone is not feeling well.  The post ended with the request to post a comment of ‘Done’ then to copy and paste the post in its entirety into our own feed. 

That last line hit me like a ton of bricks.  A wave of exhaustion washed over me accompanied by feelings of sadness and disappointment.  I absolutely know the content of my friend’s original message is always an important one and especially a timely one these days. In that moment though, I knew that I personally could not repost this or any other ‘challenges’ because I, again personally, feel that I am beginning to press the threshold of my capacity to manage challenges.  Any challenges.  All challenges.  Today we are challenged to fight a pandemic, challenged to work-from-home or, for the not so fortunate, not to work at all. We are challenged to be more sensitive, more informed, more insightful. We are challenged to be diligent in caring for the devastated environment and the political climate.  We are challenged to keep physically distant from family and friends, to not hug our children and grandchildren, to wave at our loved ones from the sidewalk, to ‘drive-by’ and honk for people celebrating birthdays and graduations.  We had to ‘visit’ our elderly through the windows of nursing homes, the sad reality that someone else’s child was holding our parents’ hands instead of us, if they had the time, and that our loved ones’ poor eyesight or confusion prevented them from even seeing us at all. 

It seems what appears to be simplification of our lives, the imposition of restrictions intended to keep us physically protected and safe within our own four walls has perhaps made us more vulnerable to emotional and spiritual unwellness.  It appears to certainly have opened a floodgate of frustration and criticism.  Maybe I need to re-evaluate the pros and cons of social media…. Or perhaps it’s just time to re-evaluate my contacts.

Be safe….be happy…be joyful!

Lessons…Part 2….

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….what the pandemic state of emergency taught me (so far)…

These are interesting times, to say the least.  Indeed, these are historical times we are living in as this pandemic has changed the world view and continues to evolve the world view.  At the same time as we have available to us the most intimate facts about the pandemic around the world, with details such as number of confirmed cases, number of deaths, number of persons in hospital and out of those which are in ICU, our world has become very small and composed.  Our personal world has been reduced to these four walls, voices on the telephone and, if we are lucky, faces on a computer screen.  Some of us have been blessed with the ability to continue to work from home while others are blessed to provide services that are essential to humanity.  Others work in jobs that require them to be onsite and those sites have been temporarily closed to the public.  We have been told, ‘go home and stay home’.   A friend of mine, a local history buff from Stratford, just to the west of Kitchener, suggested a young newly graduated nurse friend of my daughter’s keep a journal during her first full-time nursing position at a local hospital.  She reminded me that in 20 years, all these perspectives will be part of history.  Truly, I believe her. 

Now my perspectives here are not of a nature that would be considered historical reference in the least, but they have been important insights into myself and have challenged some of the attitudes and beliefs I had about myself.   Just as this pandemic is far from over, and some countries are still, in fact, far from having the spread of the illness under control, I have learned a lot about myself already. 

Working on a contract out of Winnipeg right now impacted the date I went into self-isolation.  The province, smack dab in the middle of the country geographically, wasn’t experiencing the surge of cases Ontario was so their response was a little different.  I don’t want to say ‘slower’ as it was appropriate for the experience of the population.  In addition, working the provincial health organization, I could see the work being done to prepare to handle instances of covid-19 if, and when, they hit.   So, working in Manitoba and keeping my eye on home in Ontario and with a flight scheduled for the 27th of March, I finally made the decision to fly home on the 23rd instead after provinces started closing their borders to non-essential travel and WestJet started rescheduling flights in ways that would get me home but with some very creative stop-overs along the way.

So, here on Day 54 of my self-isolation, here are some of the things I’ve learned:

  • The less I move around, the more tired I am and the more I can sleep.  How is this possible?  It is now, having basically moved from my bedroom upstairs to the dining table on the main floor where I work, day-in and day-out, that I am exhausted by 7pm, asking if it’s too early to go to bed at 8pm, giving in at 9pm and asleep by 10pm.  Also, very unusual is that I sleep very well and basically straight through until 7am or later with only a washroom break around 3am.  Ironically, I still have bags under my eyes most mornings.
  • The simpler life is, the funnier things are.  This has been very interesting to me.  Within the first two or three weeks of being home I noticed that I found some things that would formally have been amusing, were now very funny.  I laugh far more often and far more heartily.  There have been a couple of times that I’ve even laughed myself breathless, gotten a little dizzy and even saw stars.  No matter, it is a very pleasant experience and I’m sure that I’ve laughed far more in the past 6 weeks than I had the entire past year.
  • The notion of ‘important things’ is definitely subjective and there can definitely be a disconnect when we don’t express ourselves explicitly.  In the few days before I flew home from Winnipeg, I suggested that my girls go out and stock up on “some of the things we would want to have in the house if going shopping was to become difficult”.  The picture I had in my mind was of some food for the freezer, baking items, laundry and hand soap, cleaning vinegar and borax, canned goods….you get the idea.   What I came home to was a Rubbermaid bin with lots of snack items, chocolate, cookies, some odd toiletries, toothpaste and wafer cookies.  My one daughter called it our Armageddon box.  Not exactly what I’d imagined and certainly not what I think I’d want to take to the day of reckoning.  We have since cracked that box open and plundered the contents.  I’ve realized that my efforts to aim for 100 years of age are all well and good but are entirely out of my hands.  If I’m going to go, I’m going with the chocolate and wafer cookies!
  • When all days look like Saturday, it’s hard to tell one from the other.  There is an old saying, “if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….it’s likely a duck”.  That is certainly true these days when it come to the days of the week.  I have worked remotely off and on for the past 6 years.  In fact, my entire last year of my last contract was worked from home.  Somehow, these days are just super hard to tell one from the other.  Part of it is routine.  Saturdays were for housecleaning, laundry and grocery shopping.  Sundays are for church and meals with the kids and grandkids.  Monday started the work week off.  Sports events were marked on the calendar.  Now, there are no errands to be run as we have been using a service to get our groceries.  The housecleaning and laundry are getting done at will.  Sunday worship is online and recorded for those who may miss the live stream.  I can’t see my son or grandchildren in person these days.  Sports are cancelled and favourite tv shows are in rerun mode.  Most of all, my girls are working from home as well so that mental clue of watching them get ready and go off to work isn’t available to help me reset the new day.  I have caught myself several times struggling to confirm, not so much the date but what day of the week is it today anyway!
  • Video-conferencing…take a look behind you before you connect!  My current employment has done a truly phenomenal job of equipping staff with all the technology to enable work from home.  For me, since the work I do connects me with people all over the province, my meets are rarely in person.  But that was not the norm for all staff and our Digital teams have done amazing work to keep us all connected and working.  We have all been equipped with FAQs and knowledge articles to help us navigate the new technology, but no one has provided a tip sheet on things to keep in mind when attending a video-conferencing meeting.  If I could only give a couple of important tips, they would be to make sure you know what’s behind you, adjust your camera so it is actually pointing at your face and remove you apron before you engage the camera.   I have attended more than my fair share of meetings where one person’s tile is only revealing the very top of their head and I, myself, have sat down and joined a meeting only to realize I still have an apron on when I’ve activate my video.  Trust me, there is no discrete way of removing an apron.  As for what’s behind you?  Well, fortunately my back is to a lovely tapestry my mother completed for me before she died so any chaos that is happening in front of me is never seen by the other attendees.  I can say from experience though, the top of someone’s head is not the most eyebrow raising thing I’ve witnessed!
  • Just how dirty were my hands?!  I’ve long since seen the instructions posted in all public washrooms on the correct way of washing my hands.  You know the ones that showed pictures of how to make sure to soap on the tops, between the fingers and around the thumbs.  The new instructions are to ‘wash your hands like a surgeon for at least 20 seconds’.  I must have been filthy!  So now with the tune of “She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain When She Comes” running through my head at none-too-fast a pace and laced with the obligatory ‘yee-haws’ in the appropriate places, my hands shine like my grandfather’s well-polished Sunday shoes!  The first week or so was rough and my hands got so rough they were almost raw, and I was spending as much on hand lotion as I was on hand soap.  But the skin on my hands has proven exceptionally resilient and has taken to the frequent and vigorous washing in stride.
  • There’s always (?!) room for one more.  As some will already know, when I travel home from Winnipeg, I often transport rescue dogs from the north of the province, where veterinary services are scarce, to southern Ontario where the chances of adoption are far greater.  On my last trip home on the 23rd I was supposed to be bringing 3 dogs with me.  Unfortunately, once at the airport, the rescue folks realized one of the crates was broken.  While they spent time trying to fix it, I was taking care of the pup that was supposed to be going in the crate.  In the end, the crate wouldn’t work, and the pup had to stay back.  For some reason, I just couldn’t get this pup out of my mind.  I asked for an update from the rescue agency and they were able to tell me that they had arranged for a huge truck to transport the pup along with many more dogs before the provincial travel ban would be imposed.  In the end, a cute young pup joined our family.  We’ve called her Scotia, a nod to our heart heritage down east.  She’s a big girl, a ‘Manitoba Designer’ breed, they call them, but the guesses are part retriever and part Siberian Husky.  She is a sweetie and a welcome addition.
  • Even ‘nesters’ like myself need to socialize!  I love my house and my close circle of friends and relatives, but I realize how much I miss the connection with people and services.  I miss the monthly trips to my hair salon for the hour and a half visit as much as the treatments.  I miss sitting in our local coffee shop with my girls.  I miss ‘dropping in’ at Chapters for a browse.  When I’d travel for work, I’d always tell people that I do miss my kids, but I miss my grandkids and the pets more.  Now, the explanation of that is that my kids and I text and call every day so that fills the gap to a certain degree but my grandchildren are much harder to reach by text.  And the pets, well, they have my heart too and there is no way to connect with them.  Being under house isolation has been very hard as I haven’t spent any time with my grandchildren since February and they are just around the corner.
  • Hugs!  What can I say!  I was raised amongst huggers. 

On a heavier note….

  • Canadians are known to be one of the most courteous societies in the world but we’re not always kind.  In some ways I can understand people who stock-piled early on for themselves and their families.  There was a sense of urgency and survival instincts set in.  It was very unfortunate to see some people buy out multiple weeks’ worth of items, especially items for babies such as diapers and baby wipes, etc, which resulted in others being left without.  But far worse than that were the people who purchased very large quantities of goods at the big box and warehouse stores with the intent of price gouging.  That was not our best.
  • We have many heroes in our society and I would not want to minimize the effort of anyone or any one group.  I have to say though, that it’s *also been our younger people, our students, who have been out there from day one, manning the drive-through windows while we needed our Tim Hortons and Starbucks.  When we needed our little fix of ‘normal’, they were there.  Kudos to the students amongst us who serve us.

Enjoy….m

Lessons from a Social Media Hiatus….

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…..is there ever a good time for a social media hiatus?

Well, actually, for me the answer would be yes.  Was the middle of a global health crisis the best time?  Likely not for most but again, for me, the answer is yes.

Years ago, while working at BlackBerry in its heyday of ‘smart phone’ innovation, I was a beta tester for the Facebook app but it took me almost two years to start building my contacts and really enjoying the experience.  Years later I joined Instagram and finally Twitter.  It was mid-year 2019 that I had noticed my ‘attachment’ to social media may more truthfully be referred to as an addiction.  I knew I used the apps a lot but always justified the behaviour as ‘passing time’ and ‘keeping up with friends’, both of which in all honesty, was true.  It was great for spending time in waiting rooms or when arriving to pick up kids a little early.  I justified keeping the phone on me at all times as keeping connected to work.  After all, “always on, always connected” was our motto in the early days.  And, of course, I did read the news on the phone too after all!  Somewhere over time my use of the device became much more.  The Distracted Driving laws in Ontario brought that home when I realized that I had the very strong desire to pull my phone out at stop lights and in fast-food drive-through lines that weren’t moving quite fast enough. 

For me, the Christmas Season 2019 broke the reality that I was somewhat addicted to social media.  As a former Social Worker, I know applying ‘somewhat’ to ‘addicted’ creates a convenient oxymoron.  It was during a trip home from work in Winnipeg that I realized I had spent a lot of time with my face in my phone while the rest of the world was passing me by.   I realized that I was using my phone to keep me company, to keep my mind busy and generally to pass time.  This awareness had begun a little earlier in the fall at a time when the political campaigning in the US (is there actually ever a time they are not on the trail?!) combined with the pre-election campaigning here in Canada, in addition to the increasing antics of the president of the United States, was more than enough ‘entertainment’ to fill idle time.  But then I noticed that I wasn’t just connecting during waits at airports or in some office waiting rooms.  It was around Christmas that I noticed I was actually losing some sleep because I would grab my phone if I woke during the night, again for the apparent purpose of passing time until I fell back asleep but recognizing that reviewing Twitter was actually more stimulating than it was relaxing.  I was always just a bit angry, a bit edgy, and a bit critical.  Finally, while on a trip home, I was in a near panic attack when I realized at time of boarding that the plane was an older model that had no charging stations at the seat and the considerable battery capacity I’d used to ‘pass the time’ put my ability to watch my own entertainment at risk.  That is when I recognized the final straw.  I knew I needed to make a change. 

Still, the vice of choice is hard to give up.  So I set my sights on the Lenten season.  That would give me time to psychologically adjust to the impending doom…er…I mean, withdrawal.  And it would be a solidly defined period of 40 days (and 40 nights) to work through whatever frustrations I was about to experience and which would be a full 11 days longer than the minimum 28 day recommended withdrawal period. 

Now, to be fully transparent regarding my experience, I must say that I did leave *some of my Facebook notifications turned on.  I truly and sincerely did not want to miss birthdays of some of the friends I have.  And Twitter tended to send notifications for a couple of my contacts, Jann Arden for one as example, and I truly don’t know how I have her and a handful of others set up but I did appreciate seeing their tweets come forward during my period in the social media desert.  With Instagram, I only received notifications for the group chats I have with my kids and grandkids. 

So, were there lessons learned come Easter?  Absolutely there were.  I learned that my head isn’t such a bad place to spend a little time once in a while and ‘people watching’ is an interesting pastime too.  I realized that I could sit in the Calgary or Winnipeg airports and guess, with a fair level of confidence, where people were coming from or going to based on their attire.  I also enjoyed stretches of time watching young parents travel with young kids and was reminded how busy but also how sweet and innocent little ones are.  I learned that the news media is a much better source of information than Twitter, although I must say that some are much better at presenting information while avoiding sensationalism than others.  But see, I learned that too!  I learned that my thoughts should not be avoided because I actually have some good ones.  I learned that I am saying things like, ‘what did I say I needed to pick up at the store?’ or ‘I know I asked you this earlier, but remind me what you answered’ a whole lot less.   I also learned that I don’t have to carry my phone with me everywhere I go as it will definitely be waiting for me right where I left it when I come back.  Finally, I learned that I can basically drop right back off to sleep when I wake up during the night.

Enjoy…m

Social Media…

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…Friend or foe…

Back in the day, I worked for a large technical company.  I consider myself technically savvy, a bit savvier than most in my circle anyway.  But from within the walls of an innovative tech giant and leader in its field, I was definitely a novice.   And in the company of the tech geeks I worked with, I was definitely a neophyte. 

Now, to be clear (and, it would appear, a bit defensive!) I was not employed to be technical.  I was a people leader and used a combination of social and business skills to support a team of geeks.  One of things I did to ‘help the company’, and attempt to elevate my reputation, was to volunteer as a beta tester.  Some requests would be for new hardware and some were for new software.  And despite all being terribly frustrating for me for the most part, I was assured I was a great test candidate because I represented the ‘person on the street’.   The quotation marks are to indicate that even all these years later I question if that was a good thing or not.

Regardless, that is how I got involved in social media.  I became a tester of the new apps.  I mentioned my employer was very innovative and it was not long after Facebook launched in 2004/05 that I was asked to test the Facebook app on my phone.   I added the app and added some friends from work.  I responded to all the surveys, reported issues and installed the required updates.  Once again, beta tester success was mine.   Still, I was slow to get momentum to social media use as it took me another two years or so before people outside my circle of beta tester ‘friends’ were starting to use Facebook as well. 

Over the years I’ve pondered the virtues of social media as I’ve added other social media forums such as Twitter and Instagram.  There is always the argument around the lack of real dialogue when you are just putting your thoughts and feelings out into cyber-space without much expectation for any response except perhaps an appropriate emoticon.  Opinions and sentiments in 280 character sound bites are barely a statement.  And how many ‘friends’ does a person really have who are truly shirt-off-the-back, just-call-and-I’ll-be-there?    People have been known to vent and more, and at times comments that are biting and attacking are the norm.  And those posts sit on a recipient’s timeline or stares them square in the face on their screen, often without much context.  Feelings are hurt, thinly veiled (and some not so thinly veiled) accusations are made, and reputations put into question.  Within the past few years, social media has become a real-time, easy access arena for politicians as well.  Today the campaign trail is just a keystroke away.

But then, there is the flip side.  In this age of the global village, we are better informed of the plights of our fellow humankind, the injustices, the issues and concerns facing people in our own neighbourhoods, countries and around the world.  We are able to keep our finger on the pulse so to speak.  Humanitarian issues are exposed to the light of day.  As we have moved away from the family model of nuclear and multi-generations living within very close proximity to each other, social media enables those generations to easily maintain connections.  Pictures are shared, milestones and special events are acknowledged and celebrated.  Some will even provide thoughtful reflections on their status in life, considerations for change or misadventures, presumably in part to take the thoughts that are roaring in their heads and see them slowed down to a reasonable pace on the screen and, likely in part, to receive feedback from their ‘friends’.  

My one concern, a fear really, is that with the fast pace of life and easy access to putting our intimate thoughts and feelings out there, who is really out there to respond to someone in need of support.  With arms-length ‘friendships’ comes the risk of hands-off responses. 

All things considered, for me, social media is a positive.  I definitely realize that I often use it as a way of passing time, waiting on flights, in lines at stores, in waiting rooms and, as a writer I somewhat lament the loss of time in my own head and wonder about the impacts of the same on the next generations.  There have been times that I have become so incensed at the goings-on in the political world that I have to exit the application and put my phone down.  I tend to follow different demographics entirely on the different forums.  But when I post photos or comments on current events in my personal life and my friends send their best wishes, I smile.  When the ‘memories on this day’ from the past start popping up or the notifications that today is the birthday of one of my ‘friends’, my mind is filled with thoughts of people and times gone by. 

For me, in the end, it’s the connections that matter.  The old adage rings true for me and social media, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything”.  I don’t need to jump on every bandwagon.  I don’t need to pile my angst and dislike on every post, especially when multiple people have basically made the same comments I want to, just in different words.  I can keep informed through those who are better informed on certain matters, I can be cheered up by people who are enjoying some humour, I can warm my heart through the sharings of people with little people, clever and funny pets and I can express my perspectives and opinions where I want, need and think I can influence.

Enjoy…m

‘Tis the Season…

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…Merry Christmas all!

I’m sitting in the quiet of my dining room, where I always do my writing, still savoring the Christmas cheer.  What a whirlwind Christmas week is.  Decorations adorn the house turning it into a cozy wonderland of twinkling lights, tiny villages depicting Victorian scenes and a Frazer fir tree standing at regal attention in a place of honour in the living room.  Presents started to appear under the branches of the tree, wrapped simply in brown paper packaging tied up with string (did you hear that in your imagination?  Yes, a nod to The Sound of Music but for a different reason in our house) with lively writing with ‘To:’ and ‘From:’.   The radio plays Christmas music in the background.  It’s interesting to me how I like the contemporary music at church but have no issues singing along at high volume, much to the dismay of my family and our dog, to the old Christmas standards and some even older hymns.  Finally, the smells familiar to the season started to fill the house.  The baking with spices that are ‘heavy’ and ‘woody’ that certainly are used in this or that recipe throughout the year but which truly find their place in the Christmas baking – the cinnamon, nutmeg, all spice, ginger.  Lights low, candles burning, we await The Day.

It rings very romantic, even to my ears as I write of it.  And while it definitely warms my heart and brings a smile to my face, the truth is, the Christmas season is a time of the year that fills me with mixed emotions.  As we enter into the season of shorter, more overcast days it is easy enough to feel the world closing in a bit as the plants that have died away for another year get covered in snow.  The animals hibernate and the birds migrate to sunnier locations and the cold settles in.  The time to plan the Christmas festivities, shop for the special present for loved ones and friends and decorate in joyful colours with bright lights and various decorations can bring on stresses of balancing expectations, schedules and bank accounts.  I do experience those same concerns but December in general has been a time of both joy and sorrow for me for many years now.  At my age, it is not unusual to have had the array of life experiences that I have.  And truth be known, December has not had more sorrows than any other month; the sorrows have just been deeper, more impactful, more painful and the anniversaries conflict with the hustle and bustle of the season.

My mother passed away years ago at the relatively young age of 52 years.  We buried her in the cold bluster of December 1st, her birthday.  I remember thinking, ‘there has to be something soothing about her being heaven sent on this day and laid to rest on the same date’. That was just 5 months before my first child was born and made for a somber Christmas season that year.  Nine years and 14 days later, on December 14th, my husband passed away at the even younger age of 36 years, after a very short battle with cancer.  It goes without saying, that year changed the trajectory of my life and that of my children.  It’s been thirty years since that fateful day yet, regardless of the activities taking place, those days around the 1st of December become quiet and subdued. 

December 2nd is a day to reckon with as well.  December 2nd is the anniversary of the birth of a little niece who would have turned fourteen in 2019.  My niece died tragically, at the tender age of 12 years, in August of 2018.  She is the reason for the nod to The Sound of Music mentioned above and the “brown paper packages tied up with string” we find under our tree the past two Christmases.  Last year at this time we were still reeling from the reality of our loss.  We wanted recovery and needed it badly.  Somehow though, brightly coloured Santa Claus and reindeer adorning traditional wrapping paper and satin ribbon and bows just didn’t sit well.  Our compromise was to celebrate in a simplistic way.  We put lights in our tree but left the various wooden decorations and beautiful blown glass ornaments, collected over many years, in their boxes.  It felt right, then it felt good and peaceful in its simplicity.  We replicated it again this year…perhaps a new tradition for our family is born.

There is heaviness, a somberness that pervades and settles over us as a family when the November page on the calendar gets torn away and the new month is revealed.  It sits on our chests like a heavy blanket.  We feel it, we recognize it, we acknowledge it for its warmth and the comfort the happy memories bring but at the same time, we struggle to get out from under it when we feel the burden of it.  We embrace the memories until the days pass and the mood gives way to the joy of the season once again.

There is no way to avoid the struggles.  For some, it is the pressures of life that seem magnified at this time of year when the world seems to have flicked a switch changing from a battle for time and attention to one of cheer and celebration.  Some can’t make the shift so quickly just because the calendar has changed.  For some it’s emotional burdens of tensions and losses, for others its time and finances.  Sometimes all we can do is balance the load like in a washing machine where all the heavy items have decided to congregate on one side of the drum.  Like carnival workers spinning plates on tall, thin wire stands, we need to know when we have all the spinning plates we can manage because even just one more will result in the collapse of them all.

There is a reason for the season….a reason for the sorrow and a reason for the joy.  We don’t all have the same mores and beliefs and even those who profess to believe in the Christian concepts of Christmas don’t all express those beliefs in the same way.  But there is a reality that people around this wonderful world of ours wish perfect strangers greetings of the season.  We hear more exchanges of “merry Christmas”, more “please” and “thank you’s”, more “season’s greetings” and “happy holidays”.  And we see a little more acknowledgement and maybe even concern for people on the street and courtesy extended to people challenged with heavy coats, hats, and gloves and carrying awkward packages. 

Does the season bring out the good in us?  I’d like to think so.  I’d like to think we win the battle of balancing the sorrow and joy and that JOY wins!

Enjoy….m

#JOYwins #balancingsorrowandjoy #seasonsgreetings #keeptheplatesspinning

“I could have missed the pain…

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…….but I would have missed the dance.”

These words, part of the lyrics of a beautiful song, are very poignant to me.  Many times in my life I have paused to wonder what I might have done differently had I known what was coming….if I had a glimpse of the future.

I learned a long time ago that my ignorance of the big picture in life is actually a gift; to me it’s a gift from God….His divine protection for His naïve and simple daughter.  The Bible refers to humanity as sheep and individuals as lambs, equating us with those gentle and ‘innocent’ animals.  It’s in that innocence that we are spared the knowledge of life, of the future, and, yes the joys awaiting us but also thereby of horrors such as the Holocaust, September 11th, war, famine, and tsunamis to name a few.

It is also that innocence that spares us from the knowledge of our own demise or that of our loved ones.  For a fleeting moment twenty-nine and a half years ago, I asked myself that question…. ‘had I known what was to come, that the love of my life would die so young, that my partner in everything would be taken from me, that I would be alone to raise my young children…..would I have made different choices?’  I assure you that moment was truly fleeting because I knew I would not have changed one second but would in fact have simply begged for more.  Avoiding the pain would have meant I would have to also avoid the dance.

I came to realize that I had a window of insight….a window between my sheepish innocence believing all was well and the life of my dreams would go on forever and the moment of inevitability that came with a medical diagnosis….that I had the knowledge of the future.  We all know that we are going to die at some point and we all know our loved ones will also pass on. And we are all aware, regardless of whether or not we keep it as a top-of-mind consciousness item, that that moment could come at….well, any moment.  But we are relieved of the knowledge of when those events might happen for which our response is to carry on as if it will never happen. When given the opportunity to ‘know’ the end is near, when we are given the window of insight, when it is as if God has taken us by the shoulders and turned us around saying, ‘There it is my child’, how do we respond?

When death is sudden and unexpected, those left behind tend to speak of regrets….things left undone or, more often and perhaps more tragically in my opinion, things left unsaid.  When death is the final battle after a long war against illness we still seem to want to negotiate the ‘when’.  But what do we do when the battle is lost and we are left standing in that window of knowledge?  The final battle is lost but the ‘war’, the living day-to-day, carries on.  That is the time to dance.

The line between ‘innocence’ and ‘denial’ is very tenuous at the best of time but during times of grieving it becomes a chasm.  In the adult world, when blessed with being placed squarely in the window of knowledge and reality, there is no innocence….only knowledge or denial.  Denial is our response to shock – a way to insulate our hearts while our minds race to make some sense of new knowledge.  The key word though is ‘new’.  My husband was an active 36yr old man who participated fully in family life and sports until the day he took ill and was diagnosed three weeks later with terminal cancer.  That sudden news was definitely shocking and some denial was warranted.  But the window was opened at that moment when the surgeon made it very clear we had only a few months left together.  Three months later, the day doctors told us the battle was over and we now had just a few weeks left, there was no room for denial.  To deny that reality would have been robbing all of us the opportunities to be real and honest and genuine and dance with each other for the time we had left….

Once again, family is in the window of knowledge.  A loved one’s battle with illness is over and the end of the war is coming closer.  It is the time to ensure no regrets….nothing left unsaid or undone.  These are hard but wondrous times.  Whether one day, one month, six months, they are days filled with opportunities…..for visits and phone calls and celebrations and, most importantly, to share love and words, right any wrongs, no holds barred.  God has given a ‘do over’ of sorts….maybe we can’t go back but we can dance each day like there is no tomorrow.

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above,
For a moment all the world was right.
How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye.
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance.

Enjoy the dance…..m